Weekend Weakness And Tough Love

The last two weekends I've been cheating badly on my diet. The guilt over my affair with pizza and chocolate is finally setting in. Is it really my fault when the temptation throws itself at me? Should I confess my sin and deal with the consequences? Is it even more terrible that I neglect my body and its desire to be fit and healthy?

Some people say it's O.K. to cheat on the weekends. I can't agree. There are so many other facets in life where if we cheated "only only the weekend" or "only a few times" it would label us monsters. It's not acceptable cheat in a relationship or on a test or take shortcuts at work, so why do so many people feel it's O.K. to cheat on a diet? You're letting down the most important person of all --you!

I need to take this week and repair the relationship between my body and food. I'm really more of an all-or-nothing kind of person, so when I only put in 50% the failure rings in my head relentlessly. I keep going back to that slice of pizza and regretting every deliciously greasy moment. I could have just as easily ordered a salad.

There's also this little vending machine at my office with M&M's in it, and for only a quarter you get a small handful of the chocolaty treat. I have a terrible weakness for that machine and an overabundance of quarters in my purse. I tend to treat myself on extra-stressful evenings in the office, and last week there were quite a few. Maybe I should just empty out my change purse before work? Then when I go hunting like a madwoman for that lone quarter I'll come up empty-handed and be forced to sweat out the cravings. Tough love prevails over gentle weaning. Buck up, chump!

Meanwhile, I did get a great workout this weekend ...moving into a third floor apartment. My body still aches everywhere and it was a slow trek to work on Monday morning, but it does feel pretty awesome to get my muscles moving. I'll be doing the same this coming weekend, except with larger, heavier items. Good times. I'd like to shout out the amazing friends helping us through this journey. You are the greatest people I know, and I promise you plenty of beer! (oh look, now I'm planning out my cheating, oye.)

Hello, Sunshine!

I feel like I'm on top of the world today, and it only took three steps outside of my building to fill me with that joy. I love the sun. There's just something about it that makes me smile like a child on the last day of school. On my way to the train platform the sweet smell of spring runs through my nose and a cool breeze hugs my body. It finally feels like the overcast lull of winter is gone. Days will grow longer as the moon delays its rise, and my legs are pumped for a jog through the park.

I smile through the entire ride to work today, staring out the window at bright blue skies and glittering reflections on our lovely brown Jersey water. It doesn't matter though; the sparkling dance of sunlight overpowers the murky Newark bay and bounces from tall glass buildings. Trees are still bare and skeletal, but I imagine the colorful leaves they will soon birth. The air conditioner blasts its manufactured comfort at my face, and I can only crave the moment I get to step back into springtime glory.

I see so many cars drive by with their windows securely shut. I don't understand why people find it necessary to kick on the air conditioner on a day like this. They depend on this man-made air entirely too much. I wish I were in my car right now, windows down, sunroof open, and blasting the perfect summer soundtrack. I love a good drive on a beautiful day.

Well, the train is about to come to its final destination. I will thoroughly enjoy my walk to work today, sucking in as much joy as I can before I'm condemned to my desk indoors. But I have a beautiful view from my desk, so maybe it won't be all that bad. :-)

Brown Bagging Is The New Black

I've been doing some calculations recently on how much money I unnecessarily spend each week, and how much I've been "saving." In finally analyzing my lifestyle choices, I've discovered a wealth of options that both cut spending and help my fitness goals. Two birds, one stone —count me in!

Stupid Expense #1

I failed to mention to you lovely readers that I kicked my Starbucks addiction weeks ago and started carrying my own thermos of chai tea every day to work. Not only did that cut an estimated 1,000 calories out of my week, but saved me around $30 each week. One large Starbucks order is the cost of a month's worth of tea bags, sweet n low and low-fat half & half. Why didn't I think of this sooner?!

I'll admit kicking the addiction wasn't easy. This stuff is like crack! Aside from the caffeine dependency, I pass four or five Starbucks on my daily commute through the city! I would quietly whimper to myself, walking by each one and smelling the espresso goodness wafting through the doors. I had to sip from my thermos and convince myself that it was better than the real deal. Entering the minimal calories into my tracking app was the only solace I had during the first few weeks of detox. Eventually the shaking and night-sweats stopped, and now I can confidently brush past a Starbucks without even glancing at the sign! My home-made tea rocks. Really.

Estimated Monthly Savings: $110

Stupid Expense #2
The day I finally bucked-up and learned the NYC subway system was truly glorious. I was kind of forced to due to a part-time job that had me running around the island of Manhattan into unexplored territories. Racking up taxi expenses wasn't exactly a viable option. Then I started spoiling myself. My regular job is a straight 12 block walk from Penn Station. Well, taking the 1-2-3 trainline cut 10 blocks out of that hike. I was in my glory, minimizing that fifteen minute walk to a quick two minute ride down Seventh Ave.

That wonderful shortcut started costing me $22.50 a week. I know it doesn't sound like much, but when you factor in the $75 weekly train ticket from Jersey, I was spending nearly $400 a month just to get to work! Any sane person can assume that's absolutely ludicrous. So in an effort to minimize my expenses, I've tossed out my metro card and laced up my shoes (O.K. well I held onto it for rainy days. 12 blocks in the rain isn't fun). The walk really isn't terrible. It takes about 10-15 minutes and burns off a chunk of my breakfast. It's a good thing I have this tea to keep me energized...

Estimated Monthly Savings: $90

Stupid Expense #3

I've never been big on packing lunch. Even in high school I always bought my lunch from the cafeteria. Brown bagging made you a dork for whatever reason, and I've carried that stigma to the workplace. The cool people go out to lunch together and the lame people sit at their desk alone with a soggy ham sandwich. I don't know where we get these ideals, or if it's really just in my own head, because honestly your mom packing a homemade lunch shows that you're probably loved more than the "here's five bucks" parents. Somehow that extra-special attention was turned into "you're poor" --probably by some jealous, spiteful rich kid.

I'd like to take a moment and thank my mom for all of those childhood years full of egg salad and bologna sandwiches. You always took the time to prepare what I loved to eat and bought us colorful insulated lunch sacks to store your handmade delicacies. I may have complained every week about not having dunkaroos and fruit roll-ups, but your insistence on not purchasing these pricey snacks kept me lean until my teenage years (when I demanded to buy lunch like the cool kids and spent your hard-earned cash on cookies and ice-cream, rather than the schools sad excuse for a hot lunch).

I'm now packing my lunch on a daily basis. Granted I've only been doing this for a week and a half, I plan to stick to it. Seeing that money sit in my wallet all week has been quite joyous, and I can keep a better handle on how many calories I'm consuming. Sure I gaze longingly at the variety of sandwhich shops and cafes on my walk to work, but having an extra couple of bucks at the end of the week to maybe treat myself to some take-out for dinner is a beautiful thing. Lunch in NYC gets expensive. The average meal will suck about ten bucks out of your pocket and even more if you opt for delivery! There are some major savings to be had in this department.

Estimated Monthly Savings: $150

These three areas alone are projected to save me around $350 each month. Wow, that's a lot of cash! Think of what you could do with that much money every month... That's a new 32" flat screen television; or a new summer wardrobe; or a weekend getaway; or a nice chunk of credit debt removal; or an extra car payment; or a new cute piece of Ikea furniture; or a start to an actual savings account. The list could go on forever, and that's EVERY SINGLE MONTH! Now the only problem is actually recognizing and holding onto that savings. It's really easy to blow it in small chunks every other day. Actually, it's too easy, especially for me. I haven't really recognized any of these weekly savings since I started implementing them. Where does the money go?! I think I need to start keeping track of my expenditures and monitor what black hole this money is falling into. Hmm... Maybe there's an app for that too? ;-)

Training Day (And Free Pizza)

"Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." -Will Rogers

It's time to get more serious about my running. Goals make you work hard, but obligations make you work even harder. I've decided it's time to turn around my "exercise" into something more serious: training. Rather than envisioning a fit version of myself as motivation, I'm going to slap a great big finish line in front of my eyes. My Couch To 5K training will be completed with the anticipation of participating in my very first 5K race! Finishing first isn't necessarily my goal; finishing at all is more realistic and still a great motivator.

I picked out the event I'm going to compete in, and it's going down on July 20th. I figure that gives me more than enough time to get up to par. The Downtown Westfield 5K and Pizza Extravaganza is a local event that benefits the community and involves delicious free pizza! Who doesn't love pizza? Well I suppose the pizza isn't free considering there's a $27 sign-up fee, but let's not worry about the logistics. It sounds like a great time and ends with a big party and live entertainment. What makes this even more exciting is how I've inspired a few friends to partake in the 5K! Hopefully they come through and sign up with me, but if they don't I'll be just as happy knowing they are cheering me on and supporting my efforts to better myself.

I've even opted to take this new-found drive and push myself to train even harder. I'm going to enter a half marathon in September. Now here's why I expect to be more than ready for a 5K in July --a half marathon is 13 miles (a 5K is about 3 miles). It's not going to be easy, but I didn't set out on this adventure with that expectation. Go big or go home is more like it. The event is the Rock 'n' Roll Philadelphia Half Marathon. How cool does that sound? And it really is cool. There are live bands playing every few miles on the course and a big free concert at the close of the race. This year Brett Michaels is headlining! The race comes with an $85 price tag, so if fitness isn't motivation enough, getting my money's worth certainly is.

So, February 28th marks the first day of my impulsive, capricious-yet-serious training. I am really super excited about participating in my first 5K and half marathon. It's not something everyone does in their lifetime, and from what I hear it's a huge rush to complete one. I have a seasoned partner for the half marathon, but if anyone else out there is willing to make the training commitment it would be great to go with a group! Same goes for the 5K. I hope to find some more recruits for that considering the training is not too demanding and a little less eccentric (and there's free pizza, hellooo!). Otherwise, wish me luck! ;-)

Trainspotting, Issue No. 2 "Herding Cattle"

On a good day I actually get done work at the time I'm supposed to, 8:00pm. The problem with getting done at 8:00pm is the way NJ Transit runs its train schedule during that hour. They have trains at 8:04, 8:11 and 8:41. My building is a good 12 blocks from the station, so it's safe to say the first two trains are totally out of the question (that is, until they finally get around to inventing teleportation). So, you can only imagine my dismay waiting around for the 8:41, which doesn't get me home until 9:30pm. Grr.

Occasionally a really good day comes along when I'm able to run out of the office 5-10 minutes early and actually catch the 8:11 train. Now this rare phenomenon comes about once a week, and when it does I'm like a kid getting out of school on a half day. I rush out of the office in a windstorm, bewildering my coworkers with a faint "good-bye" shouted from down the hall and half-way out the door. It's really rather sad that five minutes determine whether I get home at 8:45 or 9:30 —and ultimately my mood for the remainder of the evening.

Back In The Saddle

First, I'd like to apologize for the impromptu month-long hiatus. Life got a little crazy, and I had to kick a few things to the sidelines. Well, it actually hasn't gotten any less crazy, but I'm learning to manage it better now. A whole slew of my coworkers decided to quit at the same time —guess who's left picking up the pieces? Yea. However, I'm trying to put a positive spin on this and think of it as an opportunity for career advancement, rather than the reality that it equals 10-12 hour days and triple the workload. Anyhow, let's jump back into fantasy-land where I can pretend I actually have a life outside of work.

Coupled with that hiatus, I totally fell off the workout horse. I came down with a cold and managed to sprain my left shoulder at the same time. And how did I manage to sprain my shoulder? Well, I fell asleep at a kitchen table one night while resting my head on my arm. Please note I was not drunk. I just have this talent where I can fall asleep anywhere, in any position, regardless of the world around me —earthquake, fire, driving, Guns N Roses tribute concert, social gathering. Three of those are true stories. (Hint: We don't have earthquakes in New Jersey.)

Although I fell out of my exercise routine, I was able to successfully maintain my diet! Well, except for a few select days due to circumstances totally out of my control. My 25th birthday at the end of January was met with good cake and great food, and then my girlfriend's birthday followed a week later, which was met with more cake and goodies. Oh, and then Valentine's Day came a week after that, but my love was kind enough to give me only one giant hunk of chocolate (thank you! xo). So, I have to say, I think I did pretty damn good under the circumstances. I didn't put on any weight, and I even lost a few more pounds. I'm now 10lbs down from when I started!

Needless to say, I felt like total crap during these past weeks. Work started to wear on me, I was stressing out left and right, and my body was revolting against the poor nutrition and lack of movement. I had enough of this low point, and so Tuesday I opted to jump back into a rigorous 5-day workout routine. I was met with some opposition that day, but I managed to overcome the negativity and start busting my ass. I'm continuing the C25K running plan from where I left off (Monday, Wednesday, Friday) and sprinkling in a killer ab workout in between with some arm toning. I downloaded a newer, better, and absolutely free food and exercise logging app. It's called MyFitnessPal and has a way bigger database of food and activities than the LoseIt! app. It's also available on Android, Blackberry, and the web, so my Verizon friends can download it and join in the fun! Within the app you can add your friends (like Facebook for getting fit) and watch each others progress. I think this is a great motivational app due to the ability to encourage your friends and family to stick with it. I texted everyone I know with a smartphone, but I'm still waiting on them to download it. Get to it, people! My username is x1daydreamer6x. Add me! ;-)

Trainspotting, Issue No. 1

I've opted to call the new segment of my blog about strange encounters on the NJ Transit rail, "trainspotting." I thought it fit pretty well, considering trainspotting is actually a hobby of watching trains. It's basically the same thing as bird watching and originated in Britain sometime back in the 1940's. Of course, nowadays trainspotters would more commonly be likened to "terrorists," so I'm not sure how popular the hobby remains. Anyhow, on to today's story....

I had to pee on the train today. In case you didn't know, they do have bathrooms on the train. They're similar to a port-o-potty, except imagine that port-o-potty on the back of a stick-shift truck that constantly slams on the breaks and then guns it forward. Peeing in these things takes a certain amount of talent, unless you're lucky enough to finish up while the train is stopped at a station. These restrooms are also about as clean as a port-o-potty, and it probably would have been more hygienic to piss my own pants. Anyhow, I elected to go through with the less-embarrassing option and brave the stinking toilet.

Lucky Number Three

In the Middle Ages they had guillotines, stretch racks, whips and chains. Nowadays we have a much more effective torture device —the bathroom scale. -Stephen Phillips

Sunday morning I decided to face the most judgmental, torturous device ever devised —the scale. I gently slid it out from its hiding place and set it carefully on the bathroom floor. Taking a deep breath for composure, I placed myself on the cold plastic base one foot at a time. I closed my eyes and imagined myself light as feather, floating by on a cool autumn breeze (as if the powers of my mind would influence the painful accuracy of the truth). And then it happened... I lost three pounds! What a glorious feeling it was to see all of my hard work and effort pay off at the end of the week! I was overcome with joy and proceeded to skip around my bedroom in celebration, and I even kept a wonderful little pep in my step all day long.

I know the numbers on a scale shouldn't be worshiped like the God of health and fitness, but no one can deny the bliss of watching it drop. Unfortunately, we've all been brainwashed by the masses to believe that number is the absolute truth in how good one looks and feels. Body fat percentage, BMI and inch measurements should be the true judges. Well since I've finally come upon some insurance coverage since graduating college (thank you, Obama!), I'm going to schedule an appointment for a checkup and physical. I've never had my fat percentage calculated, so I'm somewhat curious as to what that number is (hopefully I don't cry, faint, develop anxiety or all of the above). The truth hurts, but it's time to face it! However, I think I'm going to wait another week or so and burn off some more fat before I take the hit...

Yesterday I decided to check out the information on Dr. Oz's website. Now I'm not usually one to follow the word of a "celebrity expert," but so many people regard this guy as the ultimate health guru. I have to say, this guy is pretty smart. He gives out information in terms that common people can understand, and I kind of like how goofy and excited he acts. He's sort of like Richard Simmons without the gay. I think I overloaded on information by reading like 10 articles in an hour, so I may have to revisit it and try applying some of his tips one week at a time. We'll see... I still have a stigma against these celebrity-types. Feel free to pass along any of his articles/information that were effective in real life! Any and all advice is greatly appreciated.

So, today I started my first toning/non-running workout. It was terrible, to say the least. I downloaded this amazing free Nike training app that provides a ton of workout routines for women trying to lose weight, tone up or build strength. I opted to start with a beginner "get lean" routine, even though I thought it looked extremely easy to get through. Girl, was I ever wrong! It's only a 30 minute workout consisting of mostly squats, push-ups, lunges and abdominal moves. I could barely get through it, stopping early on many of the moves and just about skipping the last 10 minutes entirely. Talk about a reality check! Apparently I'm way more out of shape then I thought. My body is feeling a little weak right now, but I have a feeling tomorrow is going to hurt really bad. Hopefully my legs recover before I hit the treadmill in the morning.

One more thing! A quick note on my diet.... It's still going really well! I survived the weekend temptation like a champ and went food shopping on Saturday to stock up on healthy snacks and meals. I even cooked a delicious chicken dinner on Saturday night with plenty of veggies and made a low-fat broccoli cheese soup from scratch (that tasted amazing, mind you). Go me! ;-)

There's An App For Fat!

I really don't think I need buns of steel.  I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon.  -Ellen DeGeneres

It was a slow walk up the stairs to the train platform today. Since Monday, I've thoroughly convinced myself that stairs are the Devil's creation. I completed Day 3 / Week 1 of the couch to 5k workout this morning, and my legs have been rather unforgiving. Ironically enough, although they're wobbling like jello as they carry me around, they somehow feel stronger at the same time. Maybe it's all in my head, but I'm feeling really good.


I managed to make it to Day 3 of the workout plan with the aid of a fantastic little $3.00 app on my iPhone by the name of C25K. It tells me when to run and walk and even when I'm halfway through. I'm considering this $3.00 as a good investment, because I would totally cheat if I had to rely on myself to command my jiggling thighs to pick up the pace. I also downloaded an awesome free app called Lose It! that I use to log my daily food intake. It's easier to make smart meal decisions when I'm forced to stare at the calorie/fat count in big red letters, making me feel guilty and silently chanting fatty, fatty, fatty! Both apps also let me log my weight (among other stats), which hasn't been much of a motivator since the number hasn't budged one fucking decimal.

I've been doing really, really great with my diet this week. I've safely avoided temptation numerous times, and I have to give myself a pat on the back for that. It hasn't been easy watching other people consume the greasy deliciousness that I love most in this world. There's even a bag of potato chips still in the cabinet that I've fantasized having an affair with one too many times, but thankfully haven't touched. My self-control was really tested last night when we had a few friends over. Unbeknownst to me, there was a pizza ordered. I looked onward, biting my lip as the offenders chowed down on the heaven-sent combination of cheese, sauce and crust without a care in the world. But that was nothing! I wasn't even hungry since my love brought home my favorite baja chicken soup for my dinner.No, the real kicker was when that enticing, seductive potato chip bag sprang from the cupboard and made its way to the couch. It taunted me, begging to be touched as my friends reached inside and pulled out crisp pieces of deep fried potato. I almost cracked a couple of times, envisioning how good it would feel to let the salty snack dissolve in my mouth, but somewhere inside I found the will to resist its lure. In yo' face!

Most addictions take a good three weeks to get over. That means I only have two more weeks of suffering before I can confidently say "no thank you" and no longer have to feel like pull of temptation.I know it will still be out there, and the chocolates and chips will still call out for me, but I'll be just a little bit better at tuning them out and picking up a carrot stick instead.

I also need to start adding in some more exercises to my routine than just a 3-day run each week. I'm going to use the off days to work on my muscle tone (or lack-there-of) and crunch my abs back into existence. I know they're still in there somewhere. I also want to set a new goal: being able to do at least one chin-up by the end of February. My upper-body has always been my weakness, and I've never done a single chin-up or pull-up in my life. I'm determined to make this happen. I'll have to start with gaining the ability to do a normal push-up, which usually takes me about a week or so, and then build up that strength until I can finally succeed in pulling my chin over that damn bar. Hoorah!!

Please leave your words of encouragement and/or advice below. I always welcome a second opinion. ;-)

Reflections From The Train

My savings account has increased over 1000% in the last 5 days. Now isn't that an impressive number?! I have gone from a mere $0.67 to a whopping $7.00! At this rate I should be a millionaire in no time! No really though, I actually opened that new Orange savings account a few days ago and started myself off with a grand total of $7.00. It's not much, but it's a start. I also set up an automatic withdrawal from my checking account for $10.00 a week on the day I get paid. I plan on increasing that amount when I feel secure enough in my finances, but for now I'll stick with what I feel is safe. One day I'll catch up to my little sister (who we are still convinced has the first dollar she ever received).

I also finally answered those collection calls, mostly due to the inspirational text messages from my Dad telling me to "man up." The bastards were calling my parent's house too, so now I'm really curious to know what the daily totals were! For now my phone has stopped ringing, hinged on promises of payment tomorrow. I've been telling everyone they'll get their money tomorrow... Oh, and rent is due Tuesday.

I feel it's necessary to note that as I write this post on the train, a guy just walked by wearing a hat with cat ears (just another dirty-looking hipster jackass, I suppose). I think I'm going to start a new section on this blog about the crazy shit I see every week while riding the New Jersey Transit rail. And just as I finished the last sentence, I looked to my right and spotted another gem. Here's a smart-looking guy, wearing a business suit and fancy watch, with his iPod wrapped in a leather Burberry case, drinking a super-sized can of Budweiser out of a paper bag... is something wrong with this picture, or is it really just me? People from Jersey are just so classy.

I'm working on my weight-loss update right now (it involves the Devil and $3.00). In the meantime, please leave your thoughts and comments on whether or not you're enticed to hear more about my daily train adventures. ;-)

Chocolate Chip Cookies and Bananas

Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces. - Judith Viorst, author of Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I visited my family yesterday. They were all really supportive of my plan to get in shape, but of course only after breaking my balls. After all, it was my last day of junk food, so why not go out with a bang and add another 5lbs to the total?!

The first stop on the tour was McDonald's for brunch. I strategically chose my last grease-laden meal, a McDouble and nuggets, and waved my goodbyes to the Golden Arches as I drove away. I was careful to order my cheeseburger with no onions, because since it was going to be my last, it better damn well be made my way. It was perfect. The savory combination of meat, cheese, ketchup and pickle rolled over my tongue and tickled my taste buds with delight. This is going to suck. I said a silent farewell to my cheesy friend as I came upon the last few bites and washed it down with a Vitamin Water.

The next stop was my girlfriend's parents. In celebration of my "last day" she decided to break out the most delicious cookies ever created by man. They may have been a total ripoff of the Girl Scouts' Samoas, but they were damn near identical in taste. After I housed down half a box, she decided to take out her pendulum and ask it some questions about ours lives, if Natalie Portman and the Black Swan would win the Oscars, and some other silly and serious things. Then she decided to ask the spirits if I would actually begin my new diet and work-out plan on Monday like I planned --and they said NO!! Can you believe that? Even the spirit-world is trying to bust my balls! So, now I really have to go through with this today, if even just to prove my angels wrong. Thanks for the support guys!

The third and final stop was dinner at my parent's house. The menu included chicken, fettuccine alfredo, potatoes, corn and green beans, and it was absolutely fantastic. My mother then decided to bake some two-dozen chocolate chip cookies out of the blue, and we once-again celebrated my last day. Now do you understand where the extra 5lbs are coming from? Before I left, I was presented with a lovely parting gift of bananas. Thanks, Mom! Fill me up with cookies and then send me off with a bunch of bananas... It was a much appreciated gift though, considering I decided to start my diet today without taking into consideration the fact that I haven't gone shopping for any healthy food yet. This week might be a bit rough, but at least I'll have bananas.

Well after all of that ordeal, I managed to start off my day pretty O.K. I really wanted a banana for breakfast (ha!), but they were still green so I'll try again tomorrow. On my way to work I opted for a non-fat yogurt & fruit parfait to accompany my grande chai latte. I was really proud of myself for ordering a grande (medium), since I've been on the venti (large) size cup for some time now. Cutting down to the smaller size not only saves a few calories, but some money as well. Maybe one day I'll be able to kick my Starbucks addiction, but that's kind of difficult when I pass five of them on my way into work (literally). When I get home I plan on hitting the gym and starting my new running routine. I was offered some really helpful advice from a friend who showed me the "couch to 5k" training program. After looking it over I immediately decided this was perfect for me, considering I was sitting on the couch when I clicked that link.

Here goes nothing... ;-)

"Sorry, we only carry sizes 1, 3, and 5. You could try Sears."

Gretchen: Growing up female in this world is not easy. In China, baby girls are routinely put up for adoption. And in parts of Africa, women are still made to live in tents during the time of their menses.
Karen: Ew!
Gretchen: And even in fancy countries like the United States and England, seven out of ten girls have a negative body image.
Regina George: Who cares? Six of those girls are right! 
-Mean Girls, 2004

For the last two years I've been steadily gaining weight. It sucks. I'm not going to jump up and proclaim that I'm fat, but I am overweight and out of shape because I've allowed cheese fries and milkshakes to take over my body. It's just not fair that they put the pudding cups right next to the carrot sticks!

I have a serious sweet tooth. I mean, I seriously crave sugar like a crack addict gone wild. I will trek through a cold winter night, shaking from withdraw, until I find a chocolate bar or a pint of Ben & Jerry's to sooth my dependence with. The pure bliss of those first few bites is about as close to heaven as I'll ever get, and I'm floating on cloud nine as I delicately inhale my vice. Then comes regret, usually in the form of a nasty bubbling in my stomach that makes me want to jump out of my seventh-story apartment window. My tummy voices it's angry protest, loudly declaring how my taste-buds are fools and should be severed off so this never happens again! Hmm... that might not be a bad idea.

Ok, getting back to reality now. It's about time I overcome this little addiction and start doing something positive for my health and my body image. It took a really bad hit last year when, quite suddenly, all of my pants started ripping on a daily basis thanks to my monster thighs. Within a month I managed to lose 80% of my wardrobe and had to go shopping for **gasp** bigger sizes. (What made matters worse, I was unemployed and really didn't have the money to buy new jeans. God bless the love of my life for being not only my rock, but my knight in shining armor and helping me purchase some new gear.) I also insisted the whole time that the numbers on the scale were clearly lying, and I even bought a new one to prove it. Well... lets just say the new scale must be broken too. Either way, the numbers aren't really what's important to me, because they don't dictate how I feel when I look in a mirror. The mirror is my truth, and my eyes have never been that critical. I know I'll never be a size 4, and if I ever happen to become a 4 I'll probably look sickly. Besides, curves are sexy.

One thing I would really like to accomplish in the next month is the ability to sprint after my train without feeling like I'm going to collapse on the stairwell. Running has never been my strong point, and I'd really like to turn that around. This won't be easy since I absolutely hate running, so I may need to go as far as dangling a Reese's cup in front my face to chase after like a dog--inspiring, no? Seriously though, that's going to be my goal for the next two weeks. I'm going to haul my ass downstairs to the gym every single day, hop on the treadmill for at least 30 minutes and track how far I can get in that span of time. I figure watching those numbers rise every other day should be a little motivation to keep trying harder. Lord knows that watching the scale every day doesn't help, since our weight fluctuates constantly. I'll leave the scale to motivate me at the end of these two weeks when that number hopefully drops a bit.

As far as eating healthier is concerned, I need to perform some major surgery on my dieting habits. I did pick up a copy of Skinny Bitch, but I'm not sure I can handle that "vegan" commitment. Being a vegetarian is something that sounds great in theory; however, giving up fish is definitely not a sacrifice I'm willing to make right now. So, let's start small and try to overcome the chocolate issue first. Years ago when I successfully lost a good 15-20lbs I would budget out my chocolate supply. I used those mini candies that people hand out for Halloween and allowed myself one piece each day. It gave me something to look forward to and helped prevent late-night binges. I'm going to implement this back into my life starting Monday and hopefully succeed in curbing the cravings. It's time to get off the pipe and take control of my taste-buds once again! By cutting off the sugar and starting to run, hopefully my bigger size jeans will start fitting a little looser and I'll be able to breath again when I wear them. Wish me luck! ;-)

"Stop Callin', Stop Callin', I Don't Wanna Think Anymore!"

Business bad? Fuck you, pay me. Oh, you had a fire? Fuck you, pay me. The place got hit by lightning, huh? Fuck you, pay me. -Goodfellas, 1990

Lately I've been thinking I have tinnitus, what with all the ringing my phone has been doing. The holidays set me back a bit and I'm still recovering, but we all know the banks don't give a flying fart. Sometimes I swear Mr. Visa is an oldschool mafia boss, sending his henchmen to collect by whatever means necessary. Yesterday I received 12 phone calls, 11 the day before, and they even call on Sundays. In addition to those calls I receive daily mailings and the occasional email and text message.

I don't really understand this method of collection... Of those 12 calls, six of them came from the same number. Do they think that increasing the frequency of harassment is going to make the balance of my checking account spontaneously grow? I mean, really now. Don't they think if I had the money to pay, I would have done it by now? I like to pay my bills on time. It gives me a great sense of pride to keep all my ducks in a row and my accounts out of the red and my credit score above the national average. But for some reason the banks have this crazy idea that I'm some kind of ninja-thief who will quietly slip out of their grasps in the middle of the night if they aren't calling me at exactly 8:30am every single day. It's absurd! Now what I could understand is something like a "daily reminder." Just one phone call, sometime in the afternoon, with a friendly message reminding me that I still owe them my life and they aren't going away. I could totally accept that!

However, the sad truth is that many more people respond faster and more efficiently to death threats rather than sugar and honey. While I was working at a collection agency a few years back (yes, I worked at a bank and a collection agency--the two institutions I loathe most on this planet), I remember the wealthiest collectors were the hard-asses that knew exactly how to flick the panic switch on a debtor. The kinder, more gentle staff still made their commission too, but it really is amazing how fast someone manages to pull a few hundred bucks out of the sky when they think the Iceman is going to show up at the front door with a pickax and some duct tape. So, because I worked in a collection agency (I wasn't a collector, mind you), I have a good bit of knowledge on the tactics and strategies these people use to scare debtors. This knowledge is mostly what keeps me from shitting a brick and going into panic mode every time they ring. Here's a few things I can share with you:

(Legal Disclaimer: I cannot guarantee these principals apply in all situations. I am not a professional debt adviser. I'm simply just a person sharing what tidbits I've pick up in my lifetime, and any information you receive from anyone should be taken with a grain of salt and investigated thoroughly.)

• Every creditor out there will take a settlement of 80%. Any balance on top of that is usually fees and interest so they don't really mind losing the gain, as long as they are recovering the loss. Click here for some really good tips how to negotiate with your creditors.
• Always low-ball your initial settlement offer. They will want you to make the initial offer (in case you had a bigger number in mind than they did), and they will always try to one-up you. So start with 50% and make it sound like you don't have a penny more to your name.
• If you can pay in one lump sum right now, many creditors will jump to accept a ludicrously small settlement (50-60%).  If you're lucky, they'll take it in two payments--hey, it worked for me before! Also note that most companies won't take less than 50%, and an offer any smaller may be taken as an insult to the collector.
• Don't freak out when you get a letter from an attorney threatening a lawsuit. Many, many companies simply throw a couple of bucks at an attorney to send a letter, and only send a letter, in the hopes of scaring you into cutting off your left arm and mailing it in immediately.
• Most creditors aren't going to sue for anything less than a couple thousand dollars. If they do decide to sue, it will be after years of harassment and exhausting all other avenues. It costs a lot of money to sue people, so it's really a last resort, Hail Mary play.
• Please, please, please don't use one of those "debt consolidation" companies like AmeriDebt, FreedomDebtRelief or any of the other thousands like it. All they do is settle your balances in the exact same ways I just told you about, except they steal more of your money in the process and drag it out longer. They sure do have some convincing commercials, but please know they are are NOT out to help you. Even worse, a ton of them are truly thieves who take your money and never even pay the companies. You can "get rid of half your debt" all by yourself just by picking up the phone and calling Mr. Visa.

Settling a debt also requires coming into a chunk a change to actually pay them with, and a chunk I do not have. I don't really want to settle anyhow, because it doesn't look too good on your credit report (but it looks wayyy better than a write-off! Write-offs are very bad, and you still have to pay them back). I've decided I want to do this the old-fashioned way and actually get caught up on my payments. I'm fairly positive I'll be able to catch up by the end of this month, at which point I'll need to sit down and really hash out a plan of action to get myself out of the red before I die. In the meantime, instead of dodging the Iceman, I think I'll pick up the phone and tell them to give me a couple weeks to get straight. Yea, that might be a good idea. ;-)

Confessions Of A Credit Card-aholic

They say money can't buy happiness, but it sure as hell buys everything else." -Mad Money, 2008

I don't even know where to start, so let's rewind back to the beginning...

I was fresh into the start of my 18th year when I promptly applied for a credit card. As I filled out the forms with the aid of my customer service friend, I could barely contain the glee sparkling in my wide eyes. Finally, I was legally able to partake in the joys of "buy now, pay later"! I made sure to clearly cross all my T's and carefully dot all my I's, and before I knew it was signing my life away to the bank I worked at. Just a few days later I was approved and received my first shiny piece of magical plastic. Since I worked for the bank, they were more than happy to extend me a modest $500 credit limit and secure the fate of my financial demise.


At first I started off slow, only handing my precious card over when it was absolutely necessary. That lasted about a week... Before I knew it, I realized I could have everything I wanted now--and girl, I am sooo the type who needs to fulfill my wishes RIGHT NOW. What could be the harm? I could just pay for this stuff when I get my paycheck, right?

When I think back, I don't think I've ever paid a full balance at the end of the month... Never. That means I've been padding the pockets of fat-cat bankers for the last seven years. In credit card debt alone, without looking up the exact figures, I owe somewhere around $10,000. That's not including student loans (approximately $30,000) and my car (about $4,000 owed to my parents).

What makes this burn a little deeper is the fact that I have absolutely no savings. I've somehow managed to keep the same $0.67 in my savings account for the last 24 (almost 25) years I've walked this earth. So currently I'm trapped in the dark pit of a $44,000 hole with no rope to grab on to and pull myself out.

Since no rope exists, I'm forced to start from scratch and weave a lifeline with the few threads I can scrape up off the ground. I need to take that $0.67 and magically turn it into a few thousand, just like I managed to take a $500 credit limit and magically turn it into a 10,000 pound weight on my shoulders.

I've always had this stigma about saving money when I owe so much to everyone else. I feel like I should be using those pennies to chip away at the block, rather than stick them in a box for my future. Well today I'm giving a big "F You" to the bankers! My new plan is to reverse this illogical way of thinking and finally start putting something away for "the future," whether that be for retirement, a home or even a wedding. I've decided the best course of action is to open an ING Orange savings account for several reasons. First off, I can have them take out a small amount of money from my checking account each week on pay day. This way I won't even notice and and can start budgeting minus the savings immediately! Second, it's online. "Out of sight, out of mind" is a philosophy I've subconsciously adopted since the beginning of my life, and in this instance it might actually work out to my benefit (it rarely has ever been a positive influence before...).

So I'm signing up for this miracle account first thing tomorrow! In regards to the pit of death... Well, I'm still figuring that one out right now and I'll get back to you another day. ;-)
 

Rising From The Dead

Look! It's moving. It's alive. It's alive... It's alive, it's moving, it's alive, it's alive, it's alive, it's alive, IT'S ALIVE!

I woke up on time today. I woke up at the actual time my alarm went off.
And I only snoozed once (or twice).

This feels just short of a miracle to me, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high in the event this was simply a fluke. Whether or not this whole vibrating concept actually works will require additional testing. For round one I still used my iHome alarm on blast in addition to the phone. I found a fantastic little free app that comes with a ton of settings (I'm tempted to buy the full version now!), and I elected to use a classic beeping feature on it, as well as the vibration. I'm hoping in the long run I won't need the beeping, but I just wanted to be safe.

So I awoke this morning to an orchestra of beeping, vibrating and Lindsay Lohan (don't judge me), and I have to say that it wasn't that bad. I must admit though, that initial buzz kind of scared the shit out of me and shocked my eyes wide open—but it worked! Just so you can fully understand what I have been going through my whole life, I'll share some of my most bizarre morning adventures this week...

I like girls that wear Abercrombie & Fitch...
I had a ring-tone years ago that played the chorus of LFO's "Summer Girls" single. I decided at some point to start using it as my alarm, figuring there's no way I could ignore something so godawful annoying. Well my ever-so-clever subconscious decided to play a vicious trick on me... One night/morning I had the craziest dream that involved giving a eulogy at someone's funeral. As I approached the podium to begin my reading, a song starts playing over the loudspeaker. Yes, you guessed it, LFO's "Summer Girls" began playing during the funeral services. I laugh off this silly mistake and continue on. Later on throughout the "day" I hear it again and again, until I finally turn to person I'm walking with—in my dream—and delcare "Wow, this song has been coming up an awful lot today!" Needless to say I was late to work that day, and when I told my boss what really happened, he kind of stood there in awe for a moment before issuing me yet another citation, warning me of impending termination.
   

Waking Up Is Hard To Do

Every morning my subconscious and conscious minds battle to the death over what time is appropriate for my body to wake. I know my subconscious is just looking out for my general health and sanity by fulfilling a 7-hour requirement, but unfortunately, at this point in life, my paycheck ranks higher on the list of survival priorities.

Nevertheless, almost every morning I find myself dead to the world—with an iHome blaring angrily into my ear—as the minutes tick by and I'm late again. I can't quite explain how this is possible, but there are plenty of people you can ask who have witnessed this phenomenon first-hand since I was a teenager (I'm sorry, Mom, but it really wasn't my fault!). Turning the volume up louder and louder doesn't seem to do any more for me, other than making my girlfriend want to beat me over the head with it.

I'd like to take a moment and apologize to my sweet, loving and patient girlfriend for dealing with my ludicrously loud (and louder) alarm clocks over the years. I don't know how you do it, because I surely would have killed me by now. xo

So, as step 1 in my quest to further my career, I'm determined to discover a wake-up call that actually works for me (I mean, let's face it —How can I expect to be successful in my career if I can't even manage to wake up!?)Now I can't get too crazy, since I'm financially limited to using only my household items, so I'll have to apply a little creativity.

I keep seeing these wrist watches advertised that actually monitor your sleep patterns, then wake you up by vibrating at the "optimum time." It doesn't sound too far-fetched to me since I've also seen a couple of other alarm devices that vibrate, like the vibrating pillow and another gadget that vibrates your entire mattress. I actually respond really well when someone gives me a little tap to wake up, so that could very well be my solution. The problem is I don't really have the money to invest in this. So I started thinking and suddenly realized I have an iPhone that is perfectly capable of vibrating!

Starting tonight/tomorrow I'm going to implement this new method into my morning wake-up routine. I'm not sure if the native alarm app actually vibrates, but I'm willing to spend the $1-2 for an app that will fully utilize this miracle vibrating function. Also, since my phone is a bit cumbersome to wear on my wrist/arm, I'm going to start with placing it under my pillow.

It's time for sleep so I'll let you all know how well this little experiment works out in the morning, as well as some ridiculously crazy stories of the dirty tricks my subconscious pulls on me just to keep me asleep! ;-)

-Posted in bed from my iPhone (so please forgive me speeling tyops)
   

Back At Square One

So I suppose the proper way to start a blog is with an explanation of why the hell I'm here and what I plan on doing about it. For the attention-deficit crowd, here's the short story: I've been out of college for over a year without nearly as much career advancement as a 25-year-old would hope for, I'm waste deep in debt with NO savings, I haven't been taking very good care of myself, and I'm using the promising year of 2011 to change all of that (Sound familiar!? That's because it's the story of nearly every damn college grad in the last 5 years). For those of you looking for the long story (or at least trying to further relate yourselves to my troubles), please read on.

From the above laundry list of "areas in need of improvement" I gather three major topics: Success, Wealth & Health. Some of you may notice one tragically important thing missing... Love. Well I'm happy to report that's the one section of life that I have under control!

My plan is to tackle each of these areas step by step, little by little. Each week I'm going to declare a goal in each of the 3 areas and fulfill it to the best of my abilities. I've never been one to fail at any project thrown my way, so I'm going to take a lesson from myself and stop failing so hard at life. By blogging about my endeavors I'm hoping it'll be the kick in the ass I need, the pressure that pushes me to succeed. I can't just tell the world I'm going to do something and then leave them hanging! I don't want to call it an "obligation" because that has a nasty negative connotation to it, and I want this to be a positive experience that will force me to grow into the individual I know I can be --strong, confident and successful.

I'll provide more background story (and those fun little anecdotes) as we move along, but for now I have to get to sleep! Goodnight ;-)

- Posted in bed from my iPhone (so please forgive any terrible spelling/grammar errors)