"Sorry, we only carry sizes 1, 3, and 5. You could try Sears."

Gretchen: Growing up female in this world is not easy. In China, baby girls are routinely put up for adoption. And in parts of Africa, women are still made to live in tents during the time of their menses.
Karen: Ew!
Gretchen: And even in fancy countries like the United States and England, seven out of ten girls have a negative body image.
Regina George: Who cares? Six of those girls are right! 
-Mean Girls, 2004

For the last two years I've been steadily gaining weight. It sucks. I'm not going to jump up and proclaim that I'm fat, but I am overweight and out of shape because I've allowed cheese fries and milkshakes to take over my body. It's just not fair that they put the pudding cups right next to the carrot sticks!

I have a serious sweet tooth. I mean, I seriously crave sugar like a crack addict gone wild. I will trek through a cold winter night, shaking from withdraw, until I find a chocolate bar or a pint of Ben & Jerry's to sooth my dependence with. The pure bliss of those first few bites is about as close to heaven as I'll ever get, and I'm floating on cloud nine as I delicately inhale my vice. Then comes regret, usually in the form of a nasty bubbling in my stomach that makes me want to jump out of my seventh-story apartment window. My tummy voices it's angry protest, loudly declaring how my taste-buds are fools and should be severed off so this never happens again! Hmm... that might not be a bad idea.

Ok, getting back to reality now. It's about time I overcome this little addiction and start doing something positive for my health and my body image. It took a really bad hit last year when, quite suddenly, all of my pants started ripping on a daily basis thanks to my monster thighs. Within a month I managed to lose 80% of my wardrobe and had to go shopping for **gasp** bigger sizes. (What made matters worse, I was unemployed and really didn't have the money to buy new jeans. God bless the love of my life for being not only my rock, but my knight in shining armor and helping me purchase some new gear.) I also insisted the whole time that the numbers on the scale were clearly lying, and I even bought a new one to prove it. Well... lets just say the new scale must be broken too. Either way, the numbers aren't really what's important to me, because they don't dictate how I feel when I look in a mirror. The mirror is my truth, and my eyes have never been that critical. I know I'll never be a size 4, and if I ever happen to become a 4 I'll probably look sickly. Besides, curves are sexy.

One thing I would really like to accomplish in the next month is the ability to sprint after my train without feeling like I'm going to collapse on the stairwell. Running has never been my strong point, and I'd really like to turn that around. This won't be easy since I absolutely hate running, so I may need to go as far as dangling a Reese's cup in front my face to chase after like a dog--inspiring, no? Seriously though, that's going to be my goal for the next two weeks. I'm going to haul my ass downstairs to the gym every single day, hop on the treadmill for at least 30 minutes and track how far I can get in that span of time. I figure watching those numbers rise every other day should be a little motivation to keep trying harder. Lord knows that watching the scale every day doesn't help, since our weight fluctuates constantly. I'll leave the scale to motivate me at the end of these two weeks when that number hopefully drops a bit.

As far as eating healthier is concerned, I need to perform some major surgery on my dieting habits. I did pick up a copy of Skinny Bitch, but I'm not sure I can handle that "vegan" commitment. Being a vegetarian is something that sounds great in theory; however, giving up fish is definitely not a sacrifice I'm willing to make right now. So, let's start small and try to overcome the chocolate issue first. Years ago when I successfully lost a good 15-20lbs I would budget out my chocolate supply. I used those mini candies that people hand out for Halloween and allowed myself one piece each day. It gave me something to look forward to and helped prevent late-night binges. I'm going to implement this back into my life starting Monday and hopefully succeed in curbing the cravings. It's time to get off the pipe and take control of my taste-buds once again! By cutting off the sugar and starting to run, hopefully my bigger size jeans will start fitting a little looser and I'll be able to breath again when I wear them. Wish me luck! ;-)